There are so many things I want to say to you.
I am not sure if I want to scream and tell you how much I hate you, cry and tell you how much I miss you, or sigh and tell you how much I love you.
All I know is that I want to hear your voice. All I know is that it is so hard trying to ignore how much pain I’m in, and I need you here to help me through it.
But you are not here, you weren’t here, and you will never be here again.
You have fucked me up, and I don’t know if I will ever be the same again. I hope you know that.
I missed you every hour. And you know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. I’d catch myself just walking around to find you, not for any reason, just out of habit, because I’d seen something that I wanted to tell you about or because I wanted to hear your voice. And then I’d realize that you weren’t there anymore, and every time, every single time, it was like having the wind knocked out of me.
how i also feel when i am wanting to call or see a dead friend.(via helainetieu)